The cap and gown are hung up for posterity and now parents and students wander through a sort of purgatory-place of post high school and pre-college. It can be challenging.

If you haven’t lived through it, it’s difficult to understand, but at the same time there is so much to do and yet what seems like so much free time – more than two months.

Yes, students will need to contact future roommate(s), purchase necessary dormitory items, attend orientation, register for classes and yes, say goodbye to “everyone,” particularly the students they couldn’t tolerate for the last four years.

This in-between summer is often an emotional powder keg where sensitivity runs rampant from all corners. Younger siblings are anticipating the change in household dynamics and don’t know how to react or prepare themselves.

Change is stressful. Rising freshmen are excited but that can translate to being unpredictable and irritable at home. Home is still “safe” and behavior there can range from a melodramatic meltdown to being mercifully mellow within minutes. Some students start to distance themselves and some suddenly become clingy.

The path for a parent can be tricky; moving from an active parent role to more of a supportive adviser. Here are tips for a smoother ride.

Work together: Lay out summer plans and the list of items that need to be accomplished and assign tasks. Identify which ones make sense to be done together and those where the student can step up and rise to the occasion.

Talk about money: Have an open discussion about budgeting, monthly or semester allowances, debit and/or credit card use, etc.

Read all the paperwork: Families will receive volumes of e-mails and information. Some are solicitations or requests for unnecessary items such as scheduled care packages for students, but much of the communication is critical. Read it all.

Review the academic calendar: Identify dates for fall break, religious holidays, birthdays, mid-terms, Thanksgiving, final exams, etc. Book flights home, if appropriate. Talk about anticipated weekend visits if your student is within driving distance and likely travel arrangements for them to return home.

Talk about communication: Let the students guide this conversation. Let them know you won’t be calling them daily but that you will be naturally curious about how they are getting along. For the potentially homesick student, those phone calls could represent a needed lifeline. Encourage their independence but be sure to let them know your door and your telephone line are always open.

More Information — Off my bookshelf
“Letting Go: A Parents’ Guide to Understanding the College Years,” Karen Levin Coburn & Madge Lawrence Treeger; HarperCollins, $14.95.

Bierer is an independent college adviser based in Charlotte. Send questions to: lee@collegeadmissionsstrategies.com; www.collegeadmissionsstrategies.com