It started out as a phone call in November. A parent of a high school senior from New York wondered if I could "get his son into college."

I said "No, I don’t get students into college, but I help guide them through the college admissions process." And then I asked, "Have you visited any colleges yet? Does he have any idea of what he’d like to study or the size of the school or the location he’d prefer?"

The answers were all "no." A few questions later I found out that his grades and test scores were "not good," according to his father, and that "he just doesn’t care much about school."

So then I asked, "What do you think your son is planning on doing next year?" Dad replied, "I don’t think he’s thought about it. Do you know people you could call to get him into a good college?"

It got worse still when the dad said "I haven’t filled out the applications yet and the deadlines are coming up soon. I will fill them out this weekend. Will you write his essays?" Of course, the answer was "no."

We then had a surprisingly good conversation about how his son needs to be the one driving this process, not him, and if his son isn’t that interested, then maybe he was really telling his father that he wasn’t ready for college. It was an a-ha moment. It had honestly not occurred to the dad that waiting a year until his son matured a little more might be a good idea.

We chatted more about what a shame it would be to spend $40,000 to $50,000 on a private liberal arts education and then flunk out. It would not only be a total waste of money, but it would affect his chances of getting into another college down the road.

Since then, I’ve talked with both the mom and the son who presented varying views on his readiness for college.

I suggested a dual approach of applying to a small number of colleges and a few noncollege but structured programs, also known as gap year experiences. We researched some fascinating programs where he could spend a year focused on an interest, be involved in community service and participate in an internship, etc.

I predict the son will present himself as a much more desirable college candidate a year from now and will have a much better chance of staying in college and graduating after this kind of experience.