Here’s a sample of a safe, boring, predictable college essay:
“Throughout my high school years, there have been many factors which have influenced my interests and personality. Being a well-rounded student, I have had many experiences working with people. I have learned a great deal through these experiences. A major influence in my life has been my family. Their love and encouragement have motivated me to expand my areas of interest. Another factor which has influenced me is my involvement in many activities outside of academics. Working with my peers in musicals, tennis, dance, volunteer work and various committees, I have gained a sense of achievement and accomplishment. I have learned to work better with people, learning the value of team effort.
In college, I plan to continue to live a well-rounded life, meeting and working with people from a variety of backgrounds. I want to help people. I have gotten so much out of life through the love and guidance of my family, I feel that many individuals have not been as fortunate; therefore, I would like to expand the lives of others. I am excited about the possibility of attending COLLEGE X. I feel that I am ready for college. I am ready to accept the challenge of the academics. I plan to give my best to COLLEGE X, knowing that COLLEGE X will do the same for me. “
Admissions personnel read stuff like this all day long. It is not, however, the kind of essay they remember, nor the kind that sends a borderline application to the committee for reconsideration. At a highly competitive school, it’s the kind of essay that might be classified dead on arrival. Most important of all, this is not the kind of essay students want to write.
This is a safe essay. I refer to them as “Miss America” essays because they are frequently full of clichés about saving the world and creating world peace. When students talk in generalities and don’t really share anything about themselves, the essays don’t have much personality. Parke Muth, senior assistant dean and director of international admission at the University of Virginia, has written a wonderful piece on “McEssays,” in which he analyzes what he calls “fast food essays” (http://www.virginia.edu/undergradadmission/writingtheessay.html). He offers insights into what makes an essay good, bad or risky.
The generic essay describes an ideal student – eager, involved, loyal, committed, responsible, etc. But it reads exactly like that – a generic picture, not a real person. It doesn’t help the candidate because it’s not focused and it lacks insights into what the student is really all about. The applicant has made it really hard to “like” them. Admissions representatives want to “like” the applicants they advocate for. Students need to set themselves apart.
Next week: Tips on how to write an essay that makes a good impression.
Bierer is an independent college adviser based in Charlotte; www.collegeadmissionsstrategies.com
Read more: http://www.charlotteobserver.com/2011/10/18/2701078/the-safe-predictable-essay-will.html#ixzz1b8ZD13iE
Lee -
How right you are! I just finished critiquing two essays that exactly matched your description of “safe” (and boring). Students want so badly to put themselves in a good light, but don’t know how to do it in a way that leaves the reader “liking” them.
As you’ve mentioned before, I’ve always recommended the “cinematic” approach because movie scripts have excellent techniques for making the viewer like the main character. In a nutshell, that involves some sort of transition, or character development, that shows the person in a situation that tested them in some way and led to them being a stronger, wiser, more mature person. The essay should do the same.
You want the reader to look up from the essay and say, “THIS is a person we want!”
—Robert Cronk, author of Concise Advice: Jump-Starting Your College Admissions Essays.
I write the “Ask the Dean” column for College Confidential and I often receive queries from teenagers who worry that, if they haven’t won Teen Jeopardy, endured chemotherapy or–at the very least–suffered through their parents’ divorce, then they won’t have anything significant to say in a college essay.
“Concise Advice: Jump-Starting Your College Admissions Essays” (cited in the comment above) offers some excellent tips on how to craft an imaginative essay from the fabric of “ordinary” lives.
I also recommend “On Writing THE College Application Essay, by Harry Bauld. I frequently cite sample essays in this book, especially “Whole Sole” and “Mr. Somary,” in response to the “I have nothing interesting to write about” complaints in my inbox.