“Ridiculously competitive.” That’s how college counselors, students and parents describe this year’s admissions cycle. The numbers tell a sobering story: Harvard sent acceptance letters to 2,032 students, just 5.9 percent of the applicant pool of 34,302. UNC received more than 29,400 applications, a jump of over 5,000 from last year; 19,000+ were from out-of-state students and roughly 10,000 from North Carolina residents. The admit rate for nonresidents was just 14%, much lower than expected, 48% of in-state students were accepted. Suffice to say, it was a very tough year.
Chances are that if you’re the parent of a high school senior you’ve felt the need to console your child whether they logged online to view a negative notification or when they received their “thin envelope” at home.
What’s the best way to handle rejection?
Rule No. 1 for parents is to remember that this isn’t about you. Your child’s college acceptance or rejection isn’t a referendum on your parenting skills. Try to read your child’s emotions – figure out how much private time and space they need to process what’s happened. Let them know you are there for them, whenever they want to talk. Let the news simmer a little.
What you shouldn’t do.
Don’t broadcast the news. Most students feel that college rejections are intensely personal. When in doubt, refer back to Rule No. 1 – this isn’t about you! College acceptances and rejections are their news to share as they choose. Don’t push them to make a decision about other colleges right away.
What you shouldn’t say.
I asked a group of seniors who had all experienced rejection in recent days and here are their nominations for the stupidest things people say when they hear you’ve been rejected. When talking with 17- and 18-year-olds who are dealing with rejection, it’s hard not to be cliché, but try to avoid the following:
- “It’s not the end of the world” – while true, it belittles the emotions students are grappling with.
- “This is a good learning experience. Nobody gets everything they want in life. Remember, rejection builds character.” This is probably not what a teenager wants to hear right now.
- “Maybe they made a mistake. Why don’t you call them and ask.” It’s very unlikely this will be a fruitful discussion.
- “You probably wouldn’t have been happy there anyway. I never wanted you to go to that school.” Right now, they probably don’t care too much about what you want.
- “If you had let me ask the man at church that plays golf with the brother of the admissions director, you probably would have gotten accepted!” – Blaming them is not a good strategy. Actually, in most cases, these kinds of letters of recommendation hurt more than they help.
It’s tough to not sound trite, but I’ve heard so many “rejection stories” that turn out to be blessings in disguise. One family wrote “we have learned it is better to seek the school that wants you, not necessarily the school you want.” Students who have chosen to attend a college that wasn’t their first choice often end up having more opportunities and a better academic experience than they ever expected.
Bierer is an independent college adviser based in Charlotte. Send questions to: lee@collegeadmissionsstrategies.com; www.collegeadmissionsstrategies.com
Read more here: http://www.charlotteobserver.com/2012/04/09/3162381/how-to-help-applicants-handle.html#storylink=cpy
Hi Lee,
My wife and I enjoy your columns and have found them quite helpful. We have three college-bound high schoolers in our house. One senior. How commonly do you see “waitlisted” kids end up getting in at the universities where they’re waitlisted. My son is in at UNC and ASU. He’s waitlisted at Vanderbilt, Columbia, and Northwestern. His top choice is Columbia; just wondering if he should be getting his hopes up at all for that.
Thanks,
David
Hi David –
I’m glad you have enjoyed and hopefully benefited from my columns. The wait-list purgatory is a tough place to be. Here is an interesting article. http://online.wsj.com/article_email/SB10001424052702303772904577333680574993686-lMyQjAxMTAyMDAwOTEwNDkyWj.html?mod=wsj_share_email (this link will also give you graphics, charts, etc.)
Wish I had better news for you.
Lee
Colleges’ Tough Waiting Game
Schools Keep Hundreds of Applicants on Reserve Lists, but Very Few of Them Get In.
By RACHEL LOUISE ENSIGN and MELISSA KORN
While some colleges add as many applicants to their waitlists as they accept in the first place, very few – and, in some cases, none – of those on the lists ever get in. Rachel Ensign explains on The News Hub. Photo: AP
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So Harvard has put you—or someone you know—on its waitlist. Great news! Or maybe not.
A spot on a waitlist from an elite school doesn’t necessarily mean a candidate is closer to the finish line. Some may be waitlisted because while their grades weren’t quite good enough, or they didn’t take enough advanced placement classes, they still piqued the interest of admissions officers. Others are offered spots purely out of courtesy, such as family members of alumni or children of donors who failed to make the academic cut.
Schools often pad their waitlists to protect their “yield,” or the proportion of accepted students who choose to attend. They can admit fewer students on the first pass, to maintain their aura of exclusivity, then move on to the waitlist if accepted students turn them down.
Pedestrians walk past a statue of former Princeton University president John Witherspoon near the Firestone Library on the school’s campus in Princeton, N.J., in 2010.
Does getting on a college waitlist lead to college admission? Ask your questions for a live chat, Tuesday at noon ET.
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But for most students, being waitlisted is “not much better than a rejection,” said Elizabeth Heaton, senior director of educational consulting at College Coach, an admissions consulting firm, and a former regional director of admissions at the University of Pennsylvania.
Carnegie Mellon University in Pittsburgh admitted just six of 5,003 applicants invited onto its waitlist last year. At Cornell University, in Ithaca, N.Y., not one of 2,998 students offered a spot on last year’s list was admitted.
“It’s so hard to know what we’re going to need,” said Janet Lavin Rapelye, Princeton University’s dean of admission.
Waitlists start out so large because colleges rarely know what their yield from admitted students will be; nor do they know how many waitlisted students will actually accept a spot. And if a college does need to fill holes, they want to have a broad group of students to choose from.
Princeton, which accepted 2,095 students for a record-low 7.86% admission rate this year, offered 1,472 applicants places on its waitlist. In the past six years, it has taken as few as zero from the list, or as many as 164.
Many colleges are reluctant to disclose the number of students on their waitlists. Harvard, which admitted a record-low 5.9% of applicants this year, doesn’t release the size of its list. A Harvard spokesman said it accepted 31 from the waitlist last year, and between 49 and 228 in the four years prior to that.
Ryan Collerd for The Wall Street Journal
Aileen Eisenberg was one of 10 students to be accepted from Swarthmore College’s waitlist last year.
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Most schools know by May 1 who has accepted their initial offers of admission. They then turn to the waitlist to fill any remaining slots, a process that is supposed to wrap up by Aug. 1, a deadline set by the National Association for College Admission Counseling. On average, 45% of students offered spots on a waitlist accept, said the Princeton Review.
Generally, schools scan the waitlist first for students who can fill unique holes in their incoming class—a prospective Classics scholar from Hawaii, for instance. They also eye students who show interest in the college through phone calls, emails and letters after accepting a spot on the waitlist, said Kennon Dick, also of College Coach and a former associate dean of admissions at Swarthmore College.
Aileen Eisenberg, 18, from Monroe, N.Y., was one of 10 students to be accepted from Swarthmore’s waitlist last year; 948 applicants were offered a spot on the list. She sent a letter comparing the admissions process to her hobby of dancing tango, likening the college to an ideal dance partner. In June, they offered her admission.
See how many applicants were put on the waitlist and admitted from the waitlist at selected schools.
And then there are the “courtesy” waitlist offers. It is common for elite institutions to place a number of students on their lists even when they have virtually no chance of being seriously considered for admission, Mr. Dick said. They may be children of alumni or faculty, or candidates whom admissions officers found interesting but whose grades or test scores fell short.
“You’ll get some really angry alumni calling if you deny their kid,” Mr. Dick said.
For its part, Ms. Rapelye said, Princeton doesn’t have a courtesy list. Swarthmore says it does waitlist some students as a courtesy, but rarely anyone with no chance of getting in.
Applicants requiring financial aid may have an even tougher time. Even at a handful of need-blind schools—those that don’t consider financial need in admissions decisions—waitlisted students with less need have an edge. Six percent of private colleges were need-blind in the regular admissions cycle but became need-aware once they started admitting students from the waitlist, a 2008 survey by the National Association for College Admission Counseling said.
Some schools have begun shrinking their waitlists to keep applicants’ expectations in check. The University of Pennsylvania trimmed the size of its waitlist by 400 this year. Stanford, which offered 1,078 applicants a spot on the waitlist last year, only to admit 13, has offered just 789 applicants a position on this year’s list, said Richard Shaw, dean of undergraduate admission and financial aid.
Still, Mr. Shaw doesn’t think waitlisted students should be too optimistic. Comparing their chances this year with last, he said, is “like playing the state lottery versus the national lottery. It’s a million to one instead of a billion to one that you’re going to get it.”
As the parent of a child who received two denials, two waitlistings and three acceptances, I say, “Amen!” You covered this topic beautifully and you are exactly right. Even though my daughter will not be attending her “dream school”, I am confident that the school she is going to attend will be perfect for her.
Congratulations – I’m glad everyone at your home is able to put it all in perspective. Sometimes we are so wrapped up in our own bubbles that it’s challenging to see clearly. Enjoy! Glad you’ve benefitted from the Countdown to College columns.
Lee
Hi Lee… Another great column. The depth of disappointment is somewhat related to the stress of waiting for a decision. I’ve found that an early acceptance to a rolling admissions school (one where the student would be happy attending) goes a long way toward relieving that stress. In my own kid’s case, the early acceptance grew into a “that’s where I want to be” long before the notification for other applications.
Hi Bob -
It’s always an interesting ride, isn’t it!
Thanks for reading.
Lee